DJ Shuffle

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, 
the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend 
the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. 
Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober 
him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth." 

A guy walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey.

The bartender asks "Why?" The guy responds and says "I got my first blow."

The bartender says "In that case I'll give you two shots of whiskey."

The guy says "No, I just want one to get the taste out of my mouth." 

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!

What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? 

A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" 

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

A Mothership pilot keeps getting bumped by a Thorax, so she invites him to a convo:

MoM Pilot: Why do you keep ramming me!

Thorax Pilot: I wanna be inside you baby, lemme see your cargo bay!



Joke #7:
Fancisco Nyx > 
Why doesn't BoB allow female players on Teamspeak?

Shrike might Jizz in his Pants and lose another titan!

A fleet hears a voice from planet 
1. "one man from texas is better then 10 ships" the 
commander sends a patrol to the planet a short battle 
breaks out and then silence. 

The voice once again calls out "one man from texas is 
better then 10 ships". Furious the commander sends 10 ships. 
turret fire and missile fire break out, 
evenetually 1 badly wounded bs tells the commander its a 
trap dont send anymore ships... theres 2 of them

 A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is
> stumbling back and forth.
> A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you
> sir?"
> "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
> The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
> "It wasss on the end of thisshh key" theman replies.
> About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener
> is
> hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir
> are
> you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
> Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch
> and,
> without missing a beat, blurts out..........
> "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone too!!!!!

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.  
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.  
You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows 
can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.  A week later while they are eating 
breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches 
of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, 
so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again 
having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches
 of snow today.  You must park...." Then the power went out.  

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, 
"Honey, I don't know what to do.  Which side of the street do I need to park 
on so the snowplows can get through?" 

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married 
to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

 As a trucker stops for a red light, a Blonde catches up.
> She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks
> on the door. 
> 
> The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my
> name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
> 
> The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. 
> 
> When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
> catches up again. 
> She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. 
> 
> Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've
> never spoken, the Blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is
> Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" 
> 
> Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
> continues down the street. 
> 
> At the third red light, the same thing happens again.  
> 
> All out of breath, the Blonde gets out of her car, runs up,
> knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.
> Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are
> losing some of your load!" 

> When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races
> to the next light. 
> 
> When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the
> truck,and runs back to the Blonde.  
> 
> He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he
> says... 
> 
> 
> 
> "Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in  
> Michigan  and I'm driving the 
> SALT TRUCK!" 

DAMN!

So this guy walks into a bar and sits next to another guy and orders a drink. as he's drinking he notices a guy looking at a really nice 
woman's ring smiling, so to start up a conversation he ask's the 
guy next to him if thats for his wife. 

The other guy turned and said yeah its her birthday present. 
Oh my wife's birthday was yesterday. the second guy ask's what 
he got his wife for her birthday he said Flipflops and a dildo.

He ask's why did you get your wife flipflops and a dildo? 
Well if she doesn't like the flipflops she can fuck her self.

Here's one I saw way back when:

Gallente Iteron IV was descending for a landing at an Jita Station they had never been to before. 
The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to his copilot, "Holy Stuff! 
Look how short that runway is! I've never seen one so short!" 

The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! 
That's insane! Are you sure we can make it?" 
"Well we better, were almost out of fuel." 

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the station to 
prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full 
down and slowed the ship to just over stall speed. 

The Iteron came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. 
The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. 
They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before 
the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. 
"Whew! That was close!" yelled the captain." 
That runway was short!" "Yeah!" said the copilot, "and really wide too!"